I get my salary every month, it’s not much but it allows me to create music every day which is something I cherish, and I am grateful for it. My week consists of getting up going to my studio, creating, and writing, rehearsing with my group, and playing gigs at the weekend. It can be a bit hectic at times but it’s worth it. 

                                 I spent twenty years in Ireland playing in three main bands. But I can tell you this, being a musician in Ireland is something you do on the side. I can remember chatting to a friend of my dad’s one time. My dad had given him one of my cd’s. He said to me “Brian that’s great stuff there, I really like the style, ah you will be famous one day. So, what do you do in France”? 

I told him that I was a musician and then he proceeded to ask me what I did for a living, you know what I worked at. I then explained to him that I was a full-time musician and he’s still looking at me.But I understand this mentality because as I said being a musician for many is having a second job. When I lived in Ireland I worked for the bank, a 9 to 5 job. I rehearsed one evening a week and once a month on a Saturday. I had a family so playing in a band was difficult. Plus, you had to make allowances for the other members of the group, their jobs, their family, their availability. So, the more musicians you had in the group the more difficult it was to organize. We were five in the group and would rehearse Thursday evenings. By the time the following Thursday came around you would have forgotten most of what you had played the previous Thursday. Sometimes it would take maybe 4 rehearsals to play one song without any mistakes. But the music and playing kept you coming back every time. The creation process of writing the songs, hanging out, playing in a band, and of course taking time out from the missus was priceless. 

                          At 17 I was in my first rock group. It was great, I had more time during this period to really focus on becoming a rock star because I was younger. I just had homework and school to deal with. All the free time I had, I spent rehearsing and writing with the lads. At school everyone knew we played in a rock group, and in the village, we were like celebs. It was brilliant but it didn’t last forever, and, in the end, we broke up due to us all being pricks and fighting over our musical differences and the direction the band should take. The story ring a bell? I am sure it does for many a band. I guess the real rock ‘n’ roll times for me started with my second group ‘Alchemy’. I had just come back from living in London and wanted to set up a band. I put and add in the paper and after about three weeks I got one reply. A singer by the name of Phil Kirk, aka rocket-man himself. He was a rocket, a very funny guy and became a great friend. His obsession with Freddie Mercury and Elvis was enough to make you run a mile, but I didn’t have much of a choice and in fairness he was the only one to reply to my add. So, I met up with him, played him some of my songs and from that moment on ‘Alchemy’ was born. The years that came after, were some of the funniest times of my life. 

Phil was a great singer and a businessman, so he knew how to talk the talk. He was the motor behind the group and looked after all the organization which was great because that stuff just bores me to tears. 

                  So, our first real adventure was off to Wales to the famous Rockfield Studios. It had to be this one of course because Freddie had recorded there and to Phil this was a dream come true. I think he was more excited about recording in the same studio as queen than recording with us. So, we took the boat to Hollyhead with all our gear squashed into a little trailer attached to the back of Phil’s jeep. We had been rehearsing 3 songs for months with the band. Phil had booked us in for 5 days. So, there was me on guitar, Phil on vocals, Kinger on bass, Django on electric guitar and Ian on drums. From the moment we got on the boat at Dublin to the moment we got back on the same boat to arrive back in Ireland was just utter madness. I am not sure where I am going with this story because there are so many crazy moments I had with these guys during this period, I just don’t know where to start. I guess to understand a little bit more of what I am talking about in relation to the madness, it’s probably best to introduce the band a little. 

                When I met Phil, I didn’t know what to think. It was like the calm the meeting the storm. I was calm and Phil was nuts. He never stopped talking and had this foghorn of a laugh. It was like he was rehearsing a role for a movie, playing this crazy character like Jack Nicholson in ‘One flew over the cuckoo’s nest’ or the ‘Joker’ from batman, he was always laughing, mostly at his own jokes. You would walk into the bar, it’s completely packed, everyone chatting away, music in the background and you would know straight away if Phil was in the bar or not because he’d be the loudest fucker in it. There was no such thing as sitting down having a nice relaxing conversation with Phil, it was like chatting with a guy who had just swallowed a half kilo of speed. It was like watching a lip-synch movie. His words would come out so fast that his lips couldn’t keep up. But he was classic, a true rocket man and a good mate. Kinger (the bass player) and I grew up together. Another Elvis fanatic but an amazing bass player. He was a rock when it came to holding down the groove and a genius coming up with bass hooks. We had our own personal musical encyclopedia too. You didn’t have to google anything, you just had to ask Kinger and he would tell you the name of the band, the members, the year etc.… and when it came to rock ‘n’ roll or blues, the colour of their underpants. Kinger was the dry-wit person of the band. His jokes, his one-liners would have you pissing your pants every time. A great guy.Ah now Django, the last of the Mohicans. His ponytail hanging down to his arse, shy, skinny, spoke really quietly you would need a hearing aid at times to understand him and most of the time you weren’t really sure what planet he was on. But he was a legend, the best electric guitar player I have ever played with. He could play anything. The only problem we had with Darren was getting him to play the right parts to the right song. It was like a puzzle for him at times. He knew all his parts because he wrote them, he just didn’t know which song he was supposed to play them in. He had a lovely smile but at the same time you wouldn’t want to cross him. He was Mr. paranoia himself; he knew all the kung-fu moves so you always had to watch what you said in case he took it up the wrong way and split you in two.Then there was me, the songwriter. I was only back living in Ireland a year after spending six years in London. After London came the panic attacks. Phil would drive so fast at times I’d be in tears in the back of the jeep, shitting myself, thinking that this was the end. If I didn’t have an exit to any situation, it was complete panic stations. You could be having a chat with me and 2 seconds later I’d be on the floor, fainted, gonzo. The boys would slag me off all the time. I was a bit like Jack Sparrow and still am. Lastly there was the baby, Ian the drummer, another complete space cadet. You could tell him something funny in the morning and he would be still laughing at the same joke later that evening. We constantly had to check if he was still with us both physically and mentally. We’d be all there in the bar having a laugh, after about an hour we would only realize than Ian wasn’t there. It was like this; he would always go missing. On the Wednesday morning of the recording session in Rockfield, it was Ian’s turn for the drums. We couldn’t find him anywhere. We looked everywhere accept the end of the garden. And there he was, out cold, fast asleep, he had spent the night there. So, this was the mix we had going into our first real professional recording session at Rockfield Studios. 5 pissheads, all completely mad in our own right, it was like a scene out of the movie ‘The Dream Team’ but we had one thing in common which made it all worth it, we all thought that this was going to be it. We were going to make it. 

                 We arrived at Rockfield around 5 in the evening on the Monday, I think. The owner was there to meet us and showed us around the place. It was paradise. The lodge was just amazing, industrial kitchen, a big room for eating with huge patio windows looking out on to the garden. Ducks everywhere. There was a living room which we chilled out in every night. And we all had our own rooms. All that was left to do was just drink and play music. What more could you ask for? And that’s what we did. Each evening we would finish up around 6 which was great. Phil would go for a run; I’d be in the kitchen preparing dinner chatting away to Kinger. Darren would be chilling out having his beer while rolling a spliff and Ian would be out playing with the ducks. But I am not going to bore you with each individual story because I am sure that in every village, in every town there is a band with similar stories. 

                I was chatting to a mate of mine last night, and he said to me, “Brian who’s going to buy your book, nobody knows you”?  

So that got me thinking. When I started to write which was only a couple of months ago, it was about the songs I was writing. I had this idea that when I wrote a song, I would then write a story about it, you know, explaining what the song was about, what inspired me to write it etc... because if one day I am interviewed by a famous presenter, they may have more interesting questions to ask me rather than the norm like, ‘So, Brian, what inspired you to write ‘Tangling Twine’, can you tell us a bit about the story behind it’? I said to myself, well, if they have asked me to come onto to their show, they have more than likely read the story of ‘Tangling Twine’ and all the other stories about the songs on the album. So instead of the usual boring standard questions they might ask ‘So, Brian what inspired you to document all your songs in a story-telling way’?

I thought that this would make a more interesting interview and this idea became part of a Rirà concept. We decided that when each one of us writes a song we would document it. This would then go up on our website and become part of Rirà’s world. So, when I finished a song, I’d write the story behind it then send it off to Yan and Maddy. Their responses were amazing, so honest, so lovely. I was flattered, honored so happy that they loved what I was writing and the way I wrote. Yan said to me, “Brian you are a bard, a poet an amazing writer, keep writing, don’t stop.”

And that’s when I started to write about my life in more detail. I started to write about my abuse, my family, my years in London and this story ‘The Rock ‘n’ Roll years’. Then it dawned on me. Fuck me, I am writing a book. The moment I realized this; I got writer’s block. So, I decided that the more interesting thing to do was not to write about the individual band stories because if you don’t know us it may not be that interesting. The lads might think it’s funny because they are in the story and can relate to it. My family and friends might find it interesting also because they know me. And that’s it, I am not Keith Richards. But what happened during those five days at Rockfield was priceless. The outside world didn’t exist, we were in our own musical bubble. The conversations were about music, the famous groups we loved and the famous guitar players we idolized. We would chill out at night reminiscing about all the crazy moments we had gotten ourselves into, the gigs we played and of course the great time we were having at Rockfield. We were living the dream. Wouldn’t it be just great if we got to do this every day. 

Darren was a big Oasis fan so for him I am sure it was a very nostalgic moment because Oasis recorded at Rockfield. I can just see him now in the studio, headphones on, playing his licks as if he was Noel Gallagher himself. 

              Phil the same, singing his heart out just like Freddie. He would put his hands on the kitchen table and give it an ‘oul feel and say to us, 

“Lads, Freddie sat at this table. Lads Freddie slept in this bed, lads, I am sure Freddie must have pissed in this garden at some point.”

His obsession made us crack our sides laughing every time. 

There was a big wall just outside the studio main door entrance. We were told that this was the wall that Noel sat on when he wrote ‘Wonderwall’. Darren for 3 days wouldn’t shut up about the wall. For Ian, it was a holiday, and for me and Kinger it was just hanging out and playing music. For the five of us I think it was more about the experience than anything else, it was about being part of a band, creating something special, and going home with a professional demo at the end. 

There was this great show that I used to watch with my dad called ‘Stars in your eyes’. I think I was around 19 or 20 at the time. It was a British talent show where members of the public would come on and impersonate their music idols. The show was presented by Matthew Kelly who I thought was brilliant. Matthew would interview each contestant and at the end of the interview, he would turn and ask, 

“So, Claire who are you going to be tonight”?

Claire would reply, “Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be Kim Wilde.” 

This phrase has stuck with me to this day. 

I can remember so many times in the toilets in front of the mirror before going on stage. I would wait until there was no-one there, look straight at the mirror and say ‘tonight Matthew I am going to be _____? Blank. I never knew who I wanted to be, but I said the sentence anyway. Then off I’d go to play the gig feeling like a rock star.

                 Claire would then go backstage, then a few moments later after the TV ads were over, she would arrive back on stage in front of the audience. The transformation was amazing and the singing incredible. She looked and sang just like Kim Wilde. For a short moment in time, she was Kim Wilde. And I guess this is what I am trying to say. The five days I spent in Rockfield were one of the best five days I have spent with four other great musicians. We were Noel Gallagher, we were Freddie Mercury, we were Keith Richards, we were rock stars, we were famous. We were living the dream. On the way home we couldn’t stop playing the demo in the car, we were so excited and couldn’t wait to go back to have all our friends and family listen to the songs. Our demo was like gold dust. A few weeks later Phil sent off the demos to all the record companies. Months passed and not one reply. Looking back now, I am not surprised. One of the songs on the demo was supposed to be a slow song but because we were so off our heads recording it, the result ended in the song being twice as fast as it was supposed to be, plus Phil sang it like if he was singing ‘Don’t stop me now’ by queen. But at the time we didn’t realize this, we all thought it was brilliant. 

But our dreams weren’t completely lost. Phil rang me almost shouting down the phone, he was ecstatic, “Brian, Brian, Brian jasus man we got a reply, it’s a management company from England, they want to fly over to meet us.”I couldn’t believe it, this was it, all those years of hard slogging were going to pay off. So, we met the company and signed on the dotted line. The next big news was for the whole of Ireland to read. Dundalk band Alchemy sign a one-million-dollar contract. Yep, all the papers were on the case. We launched an opening kinda gig to back up the news and it was sold out in minutes. On the night 200 people were turned away at the door. But it was all a hoax. We didn’t realize this at the beginning but soon after, we began to understand that the management company were con artists. They hadn’t a penny to their name, and it wasn’t long before ‘Alchemy’ became redundant, the band folded, and we all went our separate ways.

                 I was in college doing my final year in UCD university when Phil rang me. I hadn’t spoken to him for about 7 seven years. 

“Brian, Brian, Brian we need to get the band back hey, we had something special, you are an amazing song writer, come on man, let’s do an album, I’ll finance it, come on man hey, let’s do it, what ya think”? 

I said to him, “Nah Phil, I’m in college now and don’t have the time.”

 And I didn’t have the time, it was my last year and I really needed to apply myself. But I was going through a separation at the time, and I was a little bit lost anyway. I decided to go back to college at 32 as a mature student. It was just some years before the Celtic Tiger collapsed and Ireland went into a massive recession. I said to myself at the time, right Brian when the Celtic Tiger bursts it’s bubble you need to have a plan B. The Celtic Tiger was the name given to Ireland’s rapid economic growth during the mid-90’s to the late 2000’s. When the building industry, the property industry and the banks had all made their money, the big companies said OK it’s time to fuck off now back to where we came from and let Ireland deal with the trail of shit we’ve left behind. I am not economist or anything like that, I am one of those real people who had to deal with living through, before and after this mess. So many companies folded, so many businesses lost, including my parents’ business. So many jobs lost, it was terrible. 

              So, my plan B was to wait it out. I said to myself after losing my job, there is no way I am going to get another job in this mess. So, the best thing to do was to say, fuck it, I’ll go back to college and hopefully by the end of my college term, the recession might be over. How wrong I was, by the time I finished college it hadn’t even started. But anyway, back to Phil. So, there I was in my kitchen two days after Phil had called me thinking to myself, ah sure why not, I’ll give the bollocks a ring back. If he’s going to finance an album, what harm can it do, plus he thinks I’m brilliant. I called him back and said OK Phil let’s do it. I got my guitar out and two months later I had the album written. Phil found us a recording studio in swords and a producer. This time around it was just me, Phil, Kinger and Darren, we didn’t have a drummer. So, Frank the producer got in the drummer from ‘The Frames’, Dave Hingerty. Halfway through the album Kinger lost the plot and couldn’t continue so Frank got in Rob Malone (David Gray’s bass player) on bass. Anyway after 1 week of pre-production, 2 weeks of recording and 1 week of mixing, the album was finished. And I have to say it was actually a great album. We had our name ‘Karrier’, our album, our website, everything was ready. We just didn’t have a fucking band, no drummer, no bass player. What a mess. But sure, it wouldn’t be rock ‘n’ roll if it wasn’t a mess. But we found a solution, Steve, who engineered the album became the drummer and he had a mate Kev, who joined us on bass. We were ready once again to take on the world, off on that road again to becoming a famous rock band. Another management contract signed with another English company. Then came the big Irish recession, Phil lost his business, Darren lost the plot and Kev went off to college in London. 

So, it was just myself and Steve left. Steve was a great songwriter, a great singer and guitar player so he gave up his post as drummer and we formed a new band ‘The Koubas’ with him as the lead singer. The ‘Koubas’ never amounted to anything. We were just another rock band in the same musical pot with the hundreds of other bands. 

I can remember having a pint with this guy in Booterstown. He was the manager of a really famous group in the early 2000’s. I had sent him some of my songs hoping that he might be able to do something for me. I had only sent him the songs when I received a phone call from him the very next day asking to meet me. There I was listening to this guy telling me my songs were amazing. I was thrilled, but you know the most important thing he said to me was, 

“Brian, your songs are great you are just 10 years too late.”

               I left ‘The Koubas’ a year after that. I was fed up, had enough, I was tired of trying to make it. And I was tired of all the same shit happening over and over. I had lost something; I had lost my purpose as a musician. The years of writing, playing, travelling, setting up, taking down, signing contracts, listening to puppets telling me I was great had got the better of me. 

I can remember sitting on the dart train heading to work. I was just sitting there looking around at all the people. Their voices started to get louder and louder, I started to feel the back of my neck becoming hot and sweaty. I knew this feeling so well. I was going to have a panic attack. I had to get off the train, the more I panicked, the more the train took longer to stop. I was terrified, I couldn’t cope, I was losing it. As soon as the doors opened, I stepped out and collapsed on the platform. I can remember the sound of my head hitting the concrete. All the people around didn’t even blink an eye lid, they just stepped over me and got on the train. Nobody helped me. When I eventually came around, I got up and sat myself down on the stairs. The sweat was dripping off me and I had shit my pants. I said to myself, ‘ok now it’s time for everyone to just fuck off and leave me alone.’ The next day I called my boss and told him I wasn’t coming back to work. 

I was 39, had just gone through a divorce, no job, and no apartment. The only place left for me to go was back home to my parents. I can remember ringing my sister that same afternoon, ‘Ger, can you come and get me, I am burnt out.’ My sister dropped everything, drove 70kms to get me. When she got out of the car and I saw her face, I was in tears, but they were tears of joy more than anything. I was so happy to see her. Thanks Ger, you were then, and still are the best. I love you dearly.

Two days after that I was sitting on the bus heading into Dundalk. I can’t remember who I was meeting but I know I was going for a pint to meet some bollocks. 

              I can remember this old woman sitting in front of me. She and I were just sitting there staring out at the world passing by. She then turned to me and started a conversation. At first it was the usual small talk, ‘great day isn’t it.’ Then she started to tell me about her life, how her husband died, her troubles and how her son had just lost his job. It was a mad moment, but I just sat there and listened. It was therapeutic for me ‘cause I had so much shit floating around in my own head. She was a lovely woman and said to me with a big smile on her face, “But sure there’s no use in complaining we all have our own stories to bear.”

 Then she asked me, “So what about yourself, are you from the town”?

 Well, the whole bus was probably listening at this stage, so I wasn’t going to do my usual fucking and blinding and giving out about everything. I just said to her, 

“You know what missus, I have just gone through a divorce, lost my job, my apartment, my two boys are 70kms apart from me, I am 39 years of age, back living with the folks, on the dole, but I can tell you this I have never felt so happy in my entire life. Because I have no one breathing down my neck anymore. All that’s left, is the life ahead and I wonder what that’s going to be like.”

I told her that my mother always said to me that if you fall there’s no point in just staying there. Just get up off your arse, brush yourself down and say right, what’s next. The women laughed her head off, 

“You are dead right,” she said, “and I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your life.” 

I got off the bus feeling like a million dollars and couldn’t wait for my pint. It’s funny how some people can just touch your heart in a certain way and put everything back to normal. But you know, I do feel that I have been a Rolling Stone for 25 years. I didn’t make it and I have no regrets. Even though the ups and downs, the long hard slog nearly killed me at times, I got through it, I kept my head up and I am still here. And I have to say that I had a laugh during this period of my life, and I got to spend time with some of the greatest guys on the planet. It was rock ‘n’ roll at its best.